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Be FULL of Yourself – Befriend Yourself

January 24, 2021

Be FULL of Yourself – Befriend Yourself FIRST

You may recall being on the playground with girls or boys whispering, “S/he is so full of herself,” as they smirked. Little did they know they were demeaning themselves instead of the confident, strong, independent individual they were whispering about. Feel familiar?

I’m here to support you in being “FULL OF YOURSELF!” Full of confidence, strength, independence, self-acceptance, being self-aware, and befriending yourself first. Full of healthy boundaries, values, and vision!

I will not, I refuse to, align myself with people who are rude. These statements are a reflection of what I do value:

  • Supportive relationships
  • Courageous risk-taking
  • Taking ACTION
  • SOULutions
  • My ability to like myself so much that I prefer to surround myself with compassionate, value-driven, inspirational people

What do you value? How well do you like yourself?

“Gossip will be a thing of the past”

In my experience, when there are those whispers among people (team members, cliques, you fill in the characters) in a condescending, degrading manner, it is a reflection upon their character, not the person they are referring to.

Maybe you will find the humor in this story, I find it funny. I had the honor of speaking with high school students in a Veterinary Assistant class on the topic of professionalism (one of my all-time FAVORITE topics!) when we began diving deeper into gossip.

The students defined gossip as:

  • Secretive
  • Negative
  • Untruthful
  • Judgmental
  • Hurtful
  • Convoluted

A student mentioned, “Gossip does occur within the halls of the school, but once we get out of High School, that will be a thing of the past.” I about BUSTED A GUT! What is your reaction?

I digress, but the point is this, it is evident that gossiping, degrading, and bullying is something that carries over into adult lives and appears to be alive and well within some veterinary teams and expressions from clients.

I will not, I refuse to, align with judgmental behaviors because my values are in SOULutions. Even when I managed veterinary practices, I made it clear what I would and would not tolerate from my team. What do you tolerate, essentially condoning?

Befriend Yourself First

Now, to supporting you in building confidence, self-acceptance, and being self-aware. Begin flexing your muscles in a daily practice of befriending yourself in a healthy, productive manner, elevating your Emotional Intelligence. 1

Following are three of Dr. Neel Burton’s simple suggestions 2 for building confidence and self-esteem:

  • Get others on board. Tell your friends and relatives what you are going through and ask for their advice and support. Perhaps they too have similar problems, in which case you might be able to form a support group. Don’t be shy or reserved: most people want to help!
  • Spend more time with those you hold near and dear. At the same time, try to enlarge your social circle by making an effort to meet and befriend people. Befriending people can take months and years, so don’t necessarily expect immediate results.
  • Avoid people and places that treat you badly or make you feel bad about yourself. This could mean being more assertive. If assertiveness is a problem for you, ask a health professional about assertiveness training.

In John Amodeo’s article on self-acceptance, he shows us how an acronym in RAIN can shower acceptance on a situation.3

  • R = Recognize your feelings within your body and bring attention inside of yourself, noticing what you are experiencing in the moment. You may notice fear, jealousy, anger, resentment. Be curious about the feeling without judging yourself or trying to bypass it.
  • A = Accepting and Allowing, acknowledging the experience as it is. Observe the experience without being critical or ashamed of what you are feeling.
  • I = Inquire or Investigate, a gentle exploration of the circumstances. This not an intellectual analysis (where many of us want to go), but rather questioning initial reactions or responses to the news. Beneath your frustration, shame, inadequacy, what is the underlying motivator?
  • N = Not Feelings, not your identity. It may seem counterintuitive, but you are not your feelings! You are much larger than your ever-changing feelings. Your emotions and problems are not what define you.

Allowing yourself to notice and simply recognize the feeling, labeling it without judgment, may be enough for a shift in befriending yourself. Gentle acceptance, smiling in the moment that you did it, observed it!

This is the tough part; studies show that only 10-15% of people are self-aware.4 Thankfully (because I am THAT person whose cup is half-full), there is a lot of room for improvement in self-awareness!

It appears befriending yourself may begin in self-awareness to include self-acceptance and building your confidence. Within the previous examples suggested by Drs. Burton and Amodeo, what I consider the lower risk approach to befriending yourself, the inner work in self-examination in elevating your self-awareness is where the “rubber meets the road.”

“High self-awareness is a solid predictor of good success in life, perhaps because a self-aware person knows when an opportunity is a good fit for them and how to make an appropriate enterprise work well,” writes Tchiki Davis, Ph.D in her article What is Self-Awareness and How do you Get It?

Self-awareness is understanding our emotional nature, triggers, and responses. Awareness in emotions, beliefs, and reactions. It requires looking in the mirror, accepting the light and evaluating the dark side (which is not bad). Quieting our minds allowing for an objective view or even seeking feedback from colleagues and friends.

Building self-awareness may include:

  • Spending time in nature
  • Engaging in Mindfulness
  • Practicing active listening
  • Be open to new perspectives
  • Journaling
  • Seeking feedback

Be kind with yourself as you journey down the path of self-awareness. As mentioned earlier, get others on board, express your desire to expand personally and professionally. There is awareness in being vulnerable in this manner.

Feels like we have traveled a long way from “S/he is full of herself,” yet that’s precisely what is needed in befriending yourself, fully understanding and improving your level of confidence, self-acceptance, and self-awareness. Befriend yourself, first.

Next Blog, we take a deeper dive into, Self-Love…..appropriate to consider it will arrive on the heels of Valentine’s Day.

Yours in Befriending Yourself,

Rebecca Rose, CVT, Certified Career Coach

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Resources

  1. Veterinary Practice News, Improving your Emotional Intelligence, September 2019, https://www.veterinarypracticenews.com/improving-your-emotional-intelligence/
  2. Psychology Today, Building Confidence and Self-Esteem, Neel Burton, MD, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem

3.    Psychology Today, Radical Acceptance, Gentle Way To Be With Our Feelings, John Amodeo, PhD, MFT, November, 2020, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/202011/radical-acceptance-gentle-way-be-our-feelings

  1. Harvard Business Review Working with People who are Not Self-Aware, Tasha Eurich, October 2018 https://hbr.org/2018/10/working-with-people-who-arent-self-aware
  2. Psychology Today, What is Self-Awareness, and How Do You Get It? Tchiki Davis, Ph.D, March 2019, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201903/what-is-self-awareness-and-how-do-you-get-it