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WITHOUT the Approval of Others; Self-Love

February 14, 2021

You know how difficult it is to get anyone to open or be interested in the topic of Self-Love? Thankfully YOU chose to open and read this blog.

Spoiler alert! When you have embraced self-love you do not need the approval of others! This is unrelated to the quality of work or veterinary medicine you deliver. This is related to the relationship you have with yourself.

The foundation of all relationships begins with appreciating your own gifts, valuing your own worth and time, and showering unconditional love on yourself.

Why, then is it difficult for people (in general) to love themselves? It’s a valid question, one that I am beginning to understand myself.

The inquiry into the elusion of self-love. Why does it appear to be so damn difficult?!

When someone chooses to embrace self-love, everything else falls into place; self-care, healthy boundaries, the ability to fully define personal and professional values, and expression of needs and wants (two very different things). When someone understands the detachment from other’s approval, the chains that bind have been unshackled.

I am going to toss it out there, anticipating some ridicule, misunderstanding, and pushback, but here it goes. Lack of self-love has gotten us to the crisis of high burnout, compassion fatigue, and suicide.

WHOA, how does that resonate with you? Where does that phrase land or “hit” you within your body? In your gut? In your heart? In your back?

Self-Love will help to eliminate burnout. I feel we are hap-hazardously throwing “burnout” and “compassion fatigue” around like confetti after a Super Bowl.

I will ask during a career session, “What brings you here today?”

Veterinary team member replies, “I am experiencing burnout and compassion fatigue.”

I reply, “That is good to know. What personal traits within your workday and life have gotten you to that place?”

The client replies, “I have no idea.” Thus the need for coaching….. The point is, lack of self-awareness has gotten the client to this place and self-love is going to get them OUT.

Traits to embrace self-love as a way to create and maintain a healthy, sustainable life and career in veterinary medicine.

  • Without Approval of Others
    • “I didn’t like you much when we first met (in 1987). I know now, it’s because you ‘Really don’t need the approval of others,'” stated Nathan, a dear girlfriend’s husband, in 2011. “Nathan, that is the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me!” Truly it was and continues to be one of the most profound statements allowing me to be detached from anyone else’s opinion of me and the way I live my life.
    • How is your need for approval holding you back?
  • Appreciate your Talents & Gifts
    • You are a unique individual. No two ways about it. AND your talents and gifts to be acknowledged are unique, too. Because it takes a Kaleidoscope of Colors to fill out a team, ALL comprised of different backgrounds, approaches to problem-solving, history, and diversity, your talents are many, and embracing them are important. THANKFULLY, what you bring to the table is different and complementary to others. Be BRIGHT and BOLD in recognizing your gifts in healing, communicating, comforting, calculating, administering, educating and the list goes on.
    • What, in as much detail as you can muster, are your talents and gifts?
  • Value your time
    • Understand your time at work is treasured, giving your undivided attention to the task of healing animals and people, being appropriately compensated. THEN turn it off to fully embrace your time as an individual with your hobbies, family, friends, and doing that which brings you the greatest joy beyond your job or career.
    • How do you fully disconnect from work as a way to honor your life outside of your job?
  • Unconditional acceptance for yourself
    • My mother has shown me unconditional love. I love my children unconditionally. Because I have received it and give it, I understand how to love myself, unconditionally. Yes, there have been a few moments in time when I have really screwed up and yet in those experiences, I have learned lessons, accepted the outcome, labeled it as one of a few Tsunamis (the times in my life full of personal growth because very few people have life-altering, changing, improving times when things are all “Hunky-Dory”). I accept my past as getting me to today. I accept each and every turn in the road (or tsunami) as my building block, and I love where I am, today.
    • How can you accept your past as a way to love yourself, today, unconditionally?

“You magnetize confident, authentic, loving people into your life, business, friendships, and the world, because that’s what YOU are,” writes Kelly Rudolph, founder of PositiveWomenRock.com in her article 5 Reasons it is Hard to Love Yourself and how to make Self-Love Easier.  

I must admit, my parents were loving enough and caring enough to instill the idea of self-appreciation, confidence, and self-care into my younger consciousness that continues to brew, nurture, and expand as an adult. Still learning and growing in the concepts today, at 55! Upon reflection, today and in the past, I recognize my mother instilled being grounded and my father taught risk-taking and growth. Two valuable lessons in my personal and professional life. I love that I can be grounded and grow at the same time!

What traits do you love about yourself? 1) __________   2) __________See there, you do have it within yourself to LOVE YOU! I knew you could DO IT!

Yours in Self-Love,

Rebecca Rose, CVT, Certified Career Coach

Resources

How to Let Go of the Need for Approval, Ilene Strauss Cohen, Pd.D, Psychology Today. July 2018, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/201807/how-let-go-the-need-approval

5 Reasons it is so Darn Hard to Love Yourself Sometimes, Your Tango, Kelly Rudolf, July 2018 https://www.yourtango.com/experts/kellyrudolph/5-reasons-hard-to-love-yourself-and-how-to-make-self-love-easier